Betcha' Think You Know Me!

The Grass Beneath My Feet

2010-01-09T12:31:00.000-08:00

Some say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Others say the grass only "looks" greener on the other side. But if you're like me, you sometimes painfully admit that the grass is really only as green as you care to make it.

I guess that's one of the many keys to happiness in life--to learn the art of keeping your grass green even when you feel surrounded by an ocean of withering brown. I've heard on many occasions that our lives are what we make of it. I still have a hard time believing that 100%. I'd rather blame a lot of things on circumstance or fate-that are beyond our control. It's a coping mechanism I suppose.

I ended 2009 with many some sadness, but also with gladness that the year was finally over and time to start anew! I reflected on New Year day some of the things that were basically "brown" on my side...the hospital visits, lost friendships, misunderstandings, the wishful hopes, and petty annoyances. Then I tried to look at the "greener" side of things, and well, it seemed the brown side kept moving over and I couldn't escape it. I felt like I always am surrounded by a brown field and I'm sick of it.

But I'm gonna make every effort to make it to the other side..the greener side this year and stay green!

Sometimes the grass truly is greener on the other side. And when we do get to that "other" side, our eyes are opened and our paradigm of the world changed forever. The year 1991 It was the greatest time of my life. I sometimes wish that I could leave the circumstance I find myself in now and run in greener fields like I did 19 years ago. But then again, life is mostly what we make of it. So watch were our feet are.

Jesus & Sinners

2009-07-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but what stands out to me most in the scriptures, namely the New Testament, is the great difference between Jesus and ourselves. Even the difference between those that have the best intentions, but those intentions can be misguided.

I'm going to relate how a passage in Luke can be so applied in our lives today:

The scribes and the Pharisees felt that those who had broken the religious and moral laws of Judaism were beyond the pale: they were to be excluded, ostracised and rejected. Their attitude was not only judgemental, not only condemnatory, but was also self-righteous. It was as though they had established a stockade with the righteous safely on the inside and sinners outside. The righteous would be safe from becoming contaminated by the unrighteous.

How different this was from the attitude of Jesus! Luke tells us that, without condoning sin, Jesus welcomed sinners and offered them forgiveness and love, and gave them understanding and care. Like a magnet, he drew the most despised members of society towards himself and valued their friendship. But, of course, he did more than that! Jesus not only welcomed sinners when they came to him, but he took the trouble to seek them out and meet them. No wonder that when the scribes and Pharisees saw Jesus in the company of such people they got very indignant and cross.

In response to their criticism, Jesus told people the parables of the lost sheep, and the lost coin. Elsewhere he also told them the parable of the lost son. All these familiar stories illustrate Jesus' relationship with the 'lost', and point us towards the central tenets of his gospel. But more: they also set markers for our relationship with God and with each other, today and every day.

Jesus welcomed sinners because he believed that God is love and that his ministry was to give human, visible expression to that love. For Jesus, God's love was more concerned with forgiveness and reconciliation and new life, a fresh start, than with condemnation, punishment and retribution. God's love doesn't deal with categories of people, whether they are righteous or unrighteous, but it is offered to every individual, to each one of us, here and everywhere else. There is worth in everybody. God's love takes the initiative in seeking out the loveless, the hard to love, and recognises their potential to become what they are: the children of God. This is the gospel for which Jesus lived and died. This is the gospel which so angered the scribes and the Pharisees who failed to see that, in Jesus, the old covenant of the law with its impossible demands had been replaced, superseded by the new covenant of God's grace. This is the gospel, which, in Christ's day and ever since, has transformed human lives into the living image of Jesus himself. The lost are found and the angels rejoice.

For us, as Christians, these parables are central to us understanding of the task which lies ahead. They clearly demonstrate the nature of God's relationship with us, one which we need to express in our life, our families and work today. The key is that God has no favourites. No one is more loved than another; no one is dismissed as 'worthless', the lesser half of no use at all. All are of equal value to God.

In our society, where we quickly categorise people, this is hard to accept. God's love is not influenced by the things that influence ours - race, gender, religion, politics, social standing, profession, or income to name but a few. God's love is not even affected by a person's moral standing, a truth which sometimes, like the Pharisees, we find hard to accept. Don't the good-living, upright, churchgoing citizens deserve more at God's hands than those (by our standards) who ignore or break God's commandments?

Sometimes it seems, on reading the scriptures, that God's love for the sinful, the despised, the marginalised and the outcasts of society is greater than for people 'of our sort'. I don't know, but could that be because those who are denied love by their fellows are more ready to receive God's love when it is freely offered? Or could it be that God, who sees into all our hearts, sees the hidden sinfulness of 'respectable' people - the greed, the pride, the envy, the self-righteousness - and judges it to be on a par with the sinfulness of those who openly flout the moral code?

In God's eyes all are 'lost', but all are loved; for to describe anything as lost means that we have invested it with value. It is this inclusive love which must be the heartbeat of our lives so that we worship and witnesse to Christ. No one, whether within or outside the fellowship, should experience cold rejection at our hands and none must be cold-shouldered or refused practical care. Different though we may be from one another in a variety of ways, we are all, by the fact of our common humanity, created, loved and accepted by God as we are.

Equally important is the truth that God never calls off his search for us. Wherever we are, whatever our need, God seeks us out to bless us with an experience of his love. We may ignore the evidence of his presence, reject him or, as Peter did of Christ on the Sea of Galilee, feel unworthy of him, but still he comes. He takes the initiative and comes to us in scripture, in people, in day-to-day events and in a multitude of other ways; he leaves no avenue unexplored, no door untried.

Well, what about us today? I think that this divine searching should reflect in our actions. Welcoming those that sin, rather rejecting them when they are brave enough to come across our threshold.

From the loving and the seeking it follows that when God finds us we become at home with him and with one another. When, in Jesus' stories, the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son were found, they were restored to where each belonged - to the flock, to the women's treasures, and to the family. When God's love meets a loving response from us, then we, too, have restored the right relationship with him and all who believe in him. The gospel is, therefore, both individual and social; it proclaims that we are of supreme worth in God's sight, and also, that our worth is realised in a loving community, the family of God. No one stands alone: reconciliation, belonging and rejoicing are still our experiences.

When his opponents called Jesus 'the friend of sinners' they intended it to be an insult, but he took it as a compliment. His mission was prospering! The lost were being sought and found, the sinners saved, to give value to every individual. Without exception, everybody is loved by God, sought by him, and offered a place in his family. In that is life for us all.

So with my belief in this, I pray each of us remembers that Jesus is still walking on this earth amoungst the sinners, because that is where He finds his joy, his lost sheep, and helps them to return to the fold. We should do same.

For, I, Michael Henry Beltran, am also a sinner in my own ways, and I find comfort knowing Jesus is still near to me!

Music Overload

2009-02-12T12:49:00.000-08:00

In December I bought a cd with the intention of giving it as a Christmas present. That didn't happen and I think it was meant to be. Last night, when I was finished with all my television watching and chatting online, I decided to listen to this cd, titled "Reflections of Christ" (the soundtrack-check it out!)

I began to ponder the trail of misdeeds and judgement errors I have left behind me in my lifetime. I thought about all the people I've wronged, harmed, hurt, offended or ignored. I thought about actions and words I may have done or said so negatively. Then, I thought about how many times the Savior has come to my undeserving rescue - all the miracles I have benefited from unworthily.

I reflected back to March 6, 1994 when I joined the church and was baptized, how long of road it has been for me!

While these thoughts overwhelmed my mind and tugged on my heart strings, the song "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" played. I can't recall ever really hearing this song before, and if I did, I didn't pay much attention. But last night I did and one of the verses really got to me:

"Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood."

I began to gently weep - which isn't hard for me to do - I admit openly that I am quite the sensitive person and am prone to crying when touched or moved. I couldn't help it. Like the song says, "Jesus has sought me even when I have ignored him, left him or was trying to run from him. He calls after me by name, with open arms, waiting to see me and hold and protect me once more "

As my thoughts turned to the Savior the next verse hit me with just as much magnitude:

"O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;"

I began to silently pray to God:

"Here's my heart,take and seal it,
seal it for thine above."

If that wasn't enough the following song was "Amazing Grace" - so obviously the same feelings swelled up within me. As I continued listening and lying in bed, other songs that sent powerful messages to me were "Be Still, My Soul" and then "Jesus, Lover of My Soul"

At that point all of this withholding of tears and sniffling and thoughts swirling around from my mind to heart through my soul got to me. I started thinking about the conversation I had online with Jenny just an hour earlier then I stopped listening and just let it out-I was compelled to kneel down right there to pray, but being I was lying in bed my laziness overcame my faith.

Once I was able to regain some sense of "normalcy" I pictured in my mind a group of small birds washing themselves in the puddles of fresh rainwater on the ground. Maybe I am weird or taking it the wrong way, but it just seemed to remind me of the Atonement. In some way, it seemed the Spirit was saying - yes, you have sinned and have wronged at times yourself and others - BUT - you can be cleansed, made whole again - Christ has died for you TOO and He will accept you if you will accept Him. Being cleansed like little birds fluttering in puddles of water while the sun shines down on them - it's a beautiful sight.

So, what's this post about? Simply that I know I have a Savior, no denying it, I'll never be perfect, I won't always do whats right, I don't have all the answers but, I do know I have a testimony:

I bear you my testimony that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is for everyone; yes, you and me too. He died for our sins, sicknesses, sadness, trials, tribulations, even our lost dreams and so much more - that's why it is infinite. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that He knows me by name and loves me still. It's amazing and truly a blessing.

The Gifts I would Give You This Christmas!

2008-12-23T17:45:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's been a couple months since I last blogged. Laziness last month, busy this month!

Being that it is Christmas in two days, I wanted to give everyone of my friends and those I care for something. So I am calling this the
"Gifts That I Would Give"

I have thought about my family and friends and my desire to share something meaningful with you to brighten your Christmas. I realize that some of the gifts I would offer are not really mine to give. Some must be earned to be appreciated; others are His alone to give. Below are my humble gifts to you. I would appreciate hearing what gifts you might give.

PEACE OF MIND....To me, peace is the truest form of happiness. I would give you peace in your heart, contentment in your life, peace amidst the turmoil and trials in your life.

UNDERSTANDING and ACCEPTANCE of Self and Others.....I would give you understanding of your internal and eternal soul, and understanding of Father's will in your life. I would give you an understanding of others and their needs. I would give you an acceptance of self and acceptance of other, even though they may not understand or accept you.

PATIENCE with SELF and OTHERS....I would give you patience with yourself, patience that enables you to not become overwhelmed when you fall short of your expectations, patience with progress, no matter how slow. Patience to know that after every fall, there is power to rise again. I would give you patience with others in their dealings with you. Patience to accept others and their faults.

TOLERANCE... I would give you tolerance for others that you too seek. Being tolerant of yourself will allow others to be tolerant of you.

FRIENDSHIP...I would give you a true friend, one who possesses these gifts, one who loves you unconditionally, one who speaks candidly, one who lifts and encourages you to be your best self, one who never abandons you in you darkest hour, one who makes you smile and laugh, yet is willing to cry with you.

AWARENESS....I would give you awareness of those around you, a sensitivity to their needs, and a willing heart to serve them according to their wants and needs

HONESTY... I would give you honesty with yourself and others even at your weakest moments that you could be honest as you wish others to be honest with you.

WISDOM....I would give you wisdom and discernment to guide your choices, words and actions.

DESIRE...I would give you desire, the desire to grow and improve, desire to be your best self, desire to endure, desire to take steps to improve your situation, desire to do whatever is required to follow Him.

SILENCE...I would give you silence when it is best to say nothing but listen, learn and understand. Silence when you want to react when reaction would only cause uneasiness, silence that you might listen to that still small voice.

And lastly I would give each of you...

RISK...risking yourself and vulnerability that comes with it, actually reaching out and caring about someone else, giving of oneself, and loving another without any thought of whether such love will be reciprocated, just risking that love for the sake of love!

There are many more gifts that I would give. I also am giving these gifts to myself this year.

Most of all this Christmas, I wish to express gratitude for the greatest of all gifts I have been given. I am grateful for the Babe who became my King, Savior, Redeemer, and Friend. I am grateful that He willingly paid the price for my sins. I am grateful for His gift of resurrection. I am grateful for His gospel which points me back to our Father.

Merry Christmas,
Mike B.

Our Political Parties & Presidental Race

2008-10-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight is our next Presidental debate! I'm not anticipating it too much, but wanted to share where I stand right now on the election......

During the Primary Season for the Democratic Party, I was actually rooting for Hillary Clinton. Then I liked Obama, then back to Hillary....then Obama, then back to Hillary...finally settling on Hillary. I was slightly disappointed when she didn't get the nomination. I followed this Primary race more, because of the historical aspects of it being a African American and a Woman being the front runners. The Republican primaries seemed like every other year. So it didn't peak my interest much. But now this General Election cycle gets me going!

So now we have Obama and McCain. I not registered Democrat or Republican. I am a registered "Independent" or "Unaffiliated". I am not a big believer in voting along party lines or belonging to one party and one party only. I believe in voting for the candidate who at that election time is best representing my views and is aligned with my opinions/beliefs/thoughts/visions at that moment. It can be a democrat or a republican. Just whomever I believe is sided with me on a majority of the issues.

I like to keep an open mind throughout the entire election process. I love to read up on everything. I like to walk into my voting booth on election day, pause for moment and think deeply whom at that moment I feel most aligned with. I never will regret a vote I make as long as I was informed, studied the issues and the candidates, listened intently and didn't allow the media to have any impression on me.

As of today, I am annoyed at the way this election has turned. It's becoming mean spirited, smearing, more accusations, spinning of the facts and truth, leaving out important details when making a point, all that harsh stuff.

I don't understand how people can align with a candidate simply because they are registered that political party. I believe we have had both successful Republican and Democratic Presidents throughout our history.

I heard someone had said we should support Obama because he is for the "middle class"...I think that is funny....There are more issues out there than being middle class.....also, I don't strive to stay middle class....Obama is also against the Rich and believes in taxing the rich higher. I ask...don't we all strive to get rich or make more money in our lives? If we keep taxing people more because they worked hard and got rich or made more money, won't that mean we all would be middle class always? I don't get this thought process of some people.

I wonder how many people know what both parties stand for or beliefs are? Let me share:

Democratic Party: They believe in a strong federal government. They believe in the federal government having strong powers to regulate business and industry. They believe in the federal social services and benefits for the poor, the unemployed, the aged and other groups. They support strongly the separation of church and state. The democratic party supports affirmative action. They support organized labor unions. They support civil and individual rights. The democratic party is also the party that advocated and passed the Income Tax law. They believe in Internationalism for foreign polices by international institutions such as the United Nations. They believe that through the United Nations and other international organizations that we be policed or get approvals by as opposed to the U.S. interests always first. They support gun control.

Republican Party: They believe in individual States Rights. They believe the federal government should give more power to each State to govern. They believe in minimum federal government interference. They believe in reduced taxes as a means of stimulating the economy and advancing individual economic freedoms. They opposed alot of government and tax payer funded social programs. They oppose affirmative action. They support business owners rights to regulate their business as opposed to strengthening the rights of workers (labor unions) The Republican Party supports a strong national defense and pursuit of U.S. National security interests first even if it is in opposition to the views of the international community. They oppose gun control.

Now, with this understand of what each political party stands for let me share my thoughts:

I think both parties have great views and policies.

With the democratic support of a strong federal government in our lives, I oppose this. I believe some of the social programs that the democratic party created is very good, however with all these government social programs to help the poor, unemployed, etc., it created higher taxes for us. The democratic party is great at saying the Republicans raise taxes, but they fail to mention that with all the created social programs it takes money to run and thus it comes from the people through taxes.

I say, why should my next door neighbor get a year or 6 months worth of unemployment checks because he got fired from a job, or quit a job or got layed off? Many people take advantage of this benefit. The same with the welfare system. This program, created by the democratic party had great intentions and I believe it is important to have, however there are not enough tight regulations on this social program and it ends up costing every American tax payer..you and me! We have to keep paying for this program so others can take advantage of it. We all know people become too dependent on welfare, food stamps, etc. It creates dishonesty in people because naturally we all like "free" stuff...but should free stuff be your existence or way of life? The Republican Party believes in individual economic freedom, which means you should get to a point to be economically self sufficient and free of any government assistance. Can we be with all these taxes paying all these social programs that don't have enough regulations on them? Interesting...lets all take the Democratic view:

No need to work hard or go to school. The Government will feed & house us by stealing from the successful who worked hard, studier hard to make their own money and way. So we can mooch off the government & we will all live happily ever after

I support the democratic parties views on civil rights....everyone should have the same rights and not be discriminated against because of race, gender, sex, or handicap.

The democratic party supports Affirmative Action. I don't period. I don't believe there should be preference given to anyone because of their race or gender. Every job or college acceptance should be based on qualifications. PERIOD!! Affirmative Action is about people becoming quotas and percentages. The Republican Party strongly opposes affirmative action..like me, they believe you being hired at job, or accepted into any college or program should only be based on your qualifications.

The Republican party opposes organized labor unions and limited employees' rights. They believe in the business owners rights first. This issue I am almost on the fence with, but lean slightly to opposing labor unions. First off I, as a small business owner, do believe that I should be able to have my business and employees run my way. I don't believe in some union telling me when I need to give my employees a raise or more benefits. I do believe though that employees should also have their rights to fair wage increases and benefits and not allow some business owners to take advantage of employees. So with this, I see pros and cons to it. But labor unions themselves tend to take advantage of their members/employees as well.

The Republican party believes in a strong national defense with a belief our nation comes first and we don't have to have the support of other nations to go to war or to attack if there is ample evidence we are in danger. The democratic party believes these issues should first go before the international community known as the United Nations and we should get their approval first. Well, I think this speaks for itself...Our Security first not what some countries leaders or representatives think!

Oh on gun control, I side with the Democrats. I support strong gun control laws.

Sarcastically I say:

Im saving up for a nuclear proof-bunker in case McCain gets elected.

And

I'm quitting my job and going on welfare, food stamps & free health care if Obama gets elected.

So, even though I support more Republican views, I still support some democratic views and this is why I call myself an Independent! So vote for the one who most represents your views. Remember you will never find a candidate you will agree with 100% of the time. Study the candidates and ALL the issues not one or two!

Hope you got some insight here!

99 Things about Me..you tell me # 100!

2008-09-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here goes, I was tagged by two people for two lists, Lys, your 6 quirks are listed in here so this counts for yours! Go to the end cuz I've tagged a few people...and I promise this will be the only "Tag" I will ever do because I'm not into these "tags" that much! Too much thinking on my part!..haha

1. I've lived in 4 States: California, Florida, Hawaii, and Utah
2. I've lived in our Nations Capital! Washington, D.C.
3. The water that collects in the sour cream container, after it’s been opened and has been sitting in the fridge for a few days, really grosses me out.
4. The first time I said a swear word my grandma washed my mouth out with soap and to this day, getting even shampoo in my mouth in the shower reminds me of that day
5. I absolutely HATE to vomit! Seriously vomitting makes me want to vomit again!
6. My favorite sport to watch is tennis, followed by basketball.
7. I am a Reality Show Junkie!
8. I live, and I mean LIVE for Thursday night Survivor episodes!
9. I watch the "Today" show on NBC almost every morning
10. I have one small tattoo
11. I enjoy being alone most of the time.
12. I want to be cremated (after I die, of course).
13. I have an obession with Evian water!
14. My favorite movie of all time is "Steel Magnolias" because that movie cracks me up especially the funeral scene and only recently I read that Olympia Dukakis and Shirley Mclaine improvised that scene! REMARKABLY FUNNY!
15. My least favorite household chore: Folding Laundry.
16. My favorite household chore: Cleaning the Kitchen.
17. I love backgammon
18. I love to play board games with family and friends.
19. Person I most admire: Mother Teresa
20. Persons I most despise: Racists
21. My first real job: 15 years old, dishwasher at an old folks home.
22. I've never shot a gun.
23. I've had a gun pointed at me before. (where I worked we were held up)
24. I almost never have nightmares
25. I have slept with the same black blanket for the past 13 years now, even when traveling I used to bring it along!
26. My family calls me Michael, my friends call me Mike
27. If I could have any talent, it would be: The ability to draw.
28. The only foreign country I have visited: Mexico.
29. Where I’ll go when I will visit a foreign country: Monaco, Greece, London, Paris, South Africa
30. States in which I’ve been cited for speeding: California, Texas, Nevada and Florida.
31. I own my own bowling ball and shoes but hardly use them.
32. Word I feel I most overuse: “actually”
33. I love American History, Government and Politics
34. I have never eaten at a Seafood Restaurant. And never will
35. I don't believe in expensive shampoo. 99 cent shampoo works just fine!
36. I own over 20 pairs of Puma shoes, but wear only 3 pairs
37. I have had one close friend die.
38. I have absolutely no interest in animation or video games.
39. I don't like my picture taken.
40. I don't hate anyone, but there is one person that makes me consider it.
41. If someone asks me what my favorite color is I usually say blue.
42. I don't really have a favorite color.
43. I won't wear anything pink, yellow or orange.
44. I never wear clothing that has wording or brand names on the front or back, with the exception of Puma.
45. I know CPR
46. Sometimes I practice the steps of CPR in my head because I'm afraid I'll forget them the one time I need them.
47. I hope to NEVER have to do CPR on someone.
48. I have never ridden a motorcycle.
49. I can not rollerblade.
50. I wish I spoke another language
51. I love my Video IPod
52. I talk to myself, especially when I'm alone in the car and forget to turn the radio on.
53. I use the postage paid envelopes I get in my junk mail to mail junk mail back to the people that send it to me. That's the little devil in me!
54. I don't like chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
55. If I use your bathroom I will note how clean or dirty it is.
56. If I tell you that I'll call you, eventually I will.
57. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is "time?"
58. I think one of most peaceful experiences in life is waking up in the middle of a quiet night in a home where those you care about are safely sleeping.
59. I don't ever wear jeans.
60. I am a light sleeper.
61. I've bought far too many laptops in life!
62. I believe it’s your choice whether or not you wash your hands after using the bathroom, just don’t touch me if you choose not to.
63. If you don’t have an iPod I really think you should get one
64. I won’t eat an apple unless it has been cored and sliced
65. I’d rather be cold than hot.
66. I like to be barefoot.
67. I do have regrets in life.
68. I don't like cats (shadow is an exception!)
69. Never been in a fistfight
70. Love the smell of bleach
71. Hated spinach as a kid, love it as an adult!
72. I love to be sarcastic.
73. Sometimes my sarcasm can get me in trouble.
74. Quit many of jobs, been fired from one!
75. Had my first drink of alcohol at age 14 with some cousins...
76. Love to play blackjack!
77. I have been to Niagra Falls and was afraid of falling over the railing..hahaha
78. I dislike people that swear when in a disagreement.
79. I hate fish, but love tuna.
80. I get ansy in large crowds.
81. I dislike "window shopping" or just going to a store or mall to walk around.
82. I have a fear of alligators, lions and pitbulls.
83. I really wish I could find an old tv show that was on for one season back like 20 years ago called "A Year In The Life"...I really really liked it!
84. I want to die broke. Seriously, If I die with money it means I've failed to make a difference in helping eradicate world hunger!
85. No one should ever go hungry and that is probably what makes me sad the most to think about someone hungry.
86. I hate to think so much.
87. In the eighties I used to wear Duran Duran and Adam Ant buttons!
88. I seriously dressed the eighties style for a time being...glad there are no pictures to prove it!
89. I sometimes which I were taller.
90. I don't like reading Shakespare.
91. I prefer comedies over dramas.
92. I once worked on a cruise ship.
93. When I was a kid, I used to wish I was a "wonder twin" from the superheros comics.
94. I remember standing in line the first day the very first Stars Wars came out with my brother, sister, two cousins and grandma in Montclair, CA!
95. My earliest childhood memories I can recall start at age 8 for some reason.
96. Seaworld is my "happiest place on Earth"...not that mouse place!
97. I ran away from home when I was 14.....didn't go to far!
98. I have volunteered on Political campaigns before..
99. I dream of being on the Price of Right and playing Plinko!! haha yeah I said it!

Ok there you have it...now tell me number 100 and lets see, I tag Lys, Jen, Kat, Ana, Mika, Jaylynn, Selena, Sarah, dang, everyone on my list!

YUMMY CREPES!!!

2008-09-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

THATS A PIC OF MY PLATE OF CREPES!!!

So, I was hungry and craving something rich, sweet and simple...so Tiare came over and I made us some Crepes!!.....They hit the spot...and Tiare ate 3 more than me!! HAHAHA........Was totally thinking of Jen when I was eating them!!

Crazy Busy....at least I think so!

2008-09-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

The thing that sucks about any type of journal or record of my life I've attempted is that when nothing really interesting is going on I have all kinds of entries, but then when there is so much to write about there is so little time to write about it.

So it's been awhile since I've blogged and I have so much I can say, yet don't know where to start? Politics--? I can say so much about the Presidental race right now!

Well, lets start with this little do-gooder I did last night!

So a few weeks back I bought two tickets to the Alicia Keys concert that is tonight. Paid $160 bucks for two tickets, and though I like her, I'm not like a fanatic where it's a must see! I've actually seen her perform live before, so I wasn't over eager to go. Anyhow, I knew Tiare loves Alicia Keys so I bought the tickets with the intent of taking her. She was ecstatic and has been. So last night she is at my apartment using my computer then so goes up to her apartment to clean. To make a long story short and not spill all her "beans" per say, I knew she would love to go with this one kid she calls her "crush". So I go up to her apartment & ask if there is anyone she would like to go with in my place, as I "forgot" my new tv shows were starting tomorrow night. She was like "really? Mike? are you sure?" I was, she wanted to invite her "crush" but she refused to call him and ask him. I told her I saw on her bebo page he left a comment about how lucky she was to be going to the Alicia Keys concert. She ran down to my apartment to use the computer and logged on to her bebo to see he really did. She got all giddy. Well, it took ALOT of prompting and scenerios to have her work up the courage to call him. After one hour of talking her into it, she finally goes into my bathroom, shuts the door, calls him and asks him. She came out of the bathroom all excited, giddy, ecstatic and smiling. She was so cute she said "My stomach was nervous the entire time" So I gave up my ticket to her so she can take her "crush"--that is what she calls him--oh to be 17 years old again!!

Next topic.....

So I love our political process and anyone that knows me well, knows I can converse for long periods of time on politics.

I am registered an Independent. I believe that being independent does not behold me to any one party or their platforms. I believe in voting for the candidate who best represents my views. I have voted for both democrats and republicans. I consider myself a moderate.

During the Primary season, I was going back and forth on who I was going to support. From a democrat to a republican. I have enjoyed so much this Presidential election season. To see an African-American and a Woman being two front runners, to seeing a woman chosen as the first Republican Vice Presidential candidate. WOW...come November history will be made no matter who wins and I get to witness it and vote!!

Well lets start with Barack Obama--I must admit when he first entered and all the media was all over him, I was impressed! But then reality set in and I actually had to remember not to be impressed with a good speech, but with their views, stands, and history. When I really studied up on him, I realized that though he can inspire people through his speeches and charisma. I wasn't too sure he is yet ready to lead this country. I personally thought he needed alittle more experience......but I definitely was not going to jump on the bandwagon of "hype" as I call it just because he was "fresh and young" and his popularity was soaring!

Then there was John McCain. I like him. But again, he represents to be everything that Washington is failing at. He has been a US Senator for over 20 years. In Washington. Though he is only one vote, it's still an important vote. Every vote counts right? So he is a war hero, a maverick he calls himself. He is going to change Washington. Yet, he has been in Washington for so many years...why hasn't he been at least attempting that earlier?

So Barack picks Joe Biden. I was alittle shocked I must say. Once because Joe Biden started last year for his own run at being President and got he got around 9000 votes before dropping out. No one was voting for him then, he is quoted as saying back then he wasn't interested in being Vice President, then 9 months later here he is accepting the offer to be Vice President.. What??? So I found it amusing while watching the Democratic Convention how everyone was so supportive, yet just 9 months earlier, no one cared when he was running for the Democratic Presidential nomination. Interesting wouldn't you say? He's still a good guy, but again, he's running with Barack on a platform of "Change", yet Joe Biden has been in the Senate for over 30 Years! Why didn't Barack pick a Washington Outsider if he really wants Change?

NOW....Sarah Palin! WOW talk about a shocker! I, like 99.9% of the country never heard of this woman before. But I kinda like her. One, because she shows that our Political Process is open for ANY American! Her she was 3 years ago a Mayor of a small town in Alaska, decided to run for Governor against her own parties sitting Governor and she won! Now she is hand picked to run as Vice President! Though I get nervous that she doesn't have enough experience, I realize it evens out with Barack. She's young, like Barack. Am I sure about her yet? Not really, but I think she is the only candidate that can really say she is a Washington Outsider and looking for Change!

So, I won't vote by party. I will wait for the debates next month, see how all the candidates do, how they answer, what they say about the issues, who aligns with me more on my top concerns. Remember no candidate will I ever have a 100% view with, but as each year our world changes, I am looking for the candidate who can tackle those issues facing me, us, the world at the moment.

Experience? I don't necessarily believe you need experience to be President. Really, who has experience to be President, except former Presidents! The world is constantly changing. Like any job, the best experience comes from doing the job first hand. Remember there are many Washington Insiders that advise the President and Vice President, inform them. So it's not like someone is going into the Oval Office blindly pushing the "Red" button to start a Nuclear War!

Right now, I am just glad to be a part of history in the making and whomever I vote for on November 4, 2008, win or lose, I will still be alive and still trying to make a difference in the world, earning a wage, and enjoying my freedoms granted to me and every American citizen over 200 years ago.

I was listening the other day to Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" about 20 times. I know I've heard this song before, but for some reason it's meaning finally struck me.
It's almost as if it's a song of hope for people in the struggling situations, a hope to get out and live a better life.

There is a line that goes "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our mind." Too many people do not realize that much (if not all) of their current situations is due to their agency - their ability to choose for themselves. When all is said and done, it all comes down to choice. Too often, we wait around for someone else to come around and make the change for us, when in reality no one else will do that. It's up to us.

Perhaps that is the "mental slavery" Bob Marley speaks of: not realizing that we have a choice; that the power is within us to make the change. And until that occurs, we cannot sing those redemption songs.

Well, if you got to the end of this blog, I congratulate you! It was long...3 weeks long!!

Check Out some FUNNY Videos of Kids!!

2008-08-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

And........

Amazing Kids!

2008-08-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

These past 3 days I have had a nice laugh and been moved by kids...

Friday night I was catering a wedding. The bride was Tongan and the Groom was white. So with this mix the guests were half and half. During the start of the buffet dinner there is this loud crash. A kid dropped a china plate. I didn't think much of it at the moment, didn't know if it was a Tongan kid or white kid that dropped it.

A few minutes later I am standing by the buffet as people are getting food. Then there is this crash sound again! Another kid dropped his plate! Suddenly in front of me this white boy maybe 9 years old looks out to see who dropped the plate...then he blurts out loud to his mom "Man, is only OUR side of the family who has problems holding plates?"

It was SO funny to hear!! I laughed at this kids sincerity and concern in his voice! Another woman in line, a Tongan woman made a comment in English to another guest in line "Tongan kids know what will happen if they drop their food! " Then they started laughing.

For some reason that kid made my Friday night!

Saturday: Catering another party....there is this nice staircase and I am standing at the bottom of it. At the top there is a family. I'm watching them. The little boy maybe 4 years is standing at the top sort of blocking the way. His mom is behind him, I didn't notice what she did, but then suddenly the boy shouts out "Mom you pushed me! That's not nice!".....I looked up to see this little boy looking upset at his mom and then his mom says "No, I wasn't pushing you, I was trying to get you to move faster"

This little boy, not missing a beat...says "no you were pushing me and I'm going slow because I don't want to fall down the stairs but you almost made me".....the mom said "I'm sorry, just keep going"....the little boy was so cute he then said "Ok, just don't push people mom that's not nice"

The mom nodded then her and I made eye contact and I smiled and she said to me "kids"...it was so funny to me.....Made my Saturday night!

Sunday.......at church I am sitting in the back seats towards a door. The end of the last hymn is being sung. In the seats in front of me an elderly woman gets up, she is the one saying the closing prayer. When she stands, I notice her cane, she begins her descent to the stand, walking very slowly. The music ends. She is slowly walking up to the stand still. The room is silent. Suddenly this boy about 8 years old sitting in the back middle seats gets up and starts running towards the lady, the mom loudly whispers his name "Colton, come back here"...you can hear her. The boy stops turns around and says "mom she needs help up the stairs!"......WOW....the entire congregation hears this and suddenly you hear a collective "ahhhhh"...and we watch the boy go to the elderly lady, and grabs her arm that she isn't using the cane for and walks with her to the stand, helps her up the stand, then STANDS at the bottom to wait for her to be done. The woman says the closing prayer and everyone is still amazed at this boy, the bishopric and stake presidency (we had ward conference) are sitting with the biggest smiles on their faces watching this boy help this woman back to her seat. I look over towars the boys mom and notice she has tears coming down her face! The lady gets to her seat and boys runs back to his seat and his mom puts her arm around him. The Bishop stands to dismiss the teachers to their classrooms as normal, but first he says: "What we all just had the privilege to witness with the actions of Colton, I pray we all may be more humble and alert for our neighbors, what a great way to end our ward conference....to see Christlike action take place before our eyes"...

I admit, I had a few tears in my eyes, and I am sure every other male, young or old, sitting in the Chapel felt alittle humbled and shamed for not taking the same action as this little boy did.

WOW....Kids are amazing!!

Rejuvenated!!!

2008-08-19T05:45:00.001-07:00

WOW......I was up early today....5:10am to be exact!! I went to bed around 11pm and I knew I was really tired but didn't think I'd get a really good sleep, but I did!! I must've slept heavy and deep because I just woke right up feeling rejuvenated, energized and ready to take on the world!!!

Strange...as happy as I feel right now, I have lots to do today and I'm worried that say in the next 5 hours I am going to want to take a nap!!

I've always been a morning a person, because I love to watch the Today show the first half hour of the Today show always makes me feel as though I know everything that is going on in the world news!! I usually wake up around 6 or 6:30am, diddle dally around my apartment, get a bowl of cereal and read until 7am for the Today Show....so mornings are my thing, but 5:10am??? WOW...I just don't know what to do with this extra time!!

Oh, I haven't been drinking sodas lately and for the first time since like 1990, I am actually doing it and succeeding!! I haven't had a soda now for exactly ONE WEEK today!! Congrats to myself!! Last Monday, August 11 was my last soda! I have bought juices and water and that is what my fridge is filled with. I love Apple Juice and Orange Juice are my favorites and Grape Juice comes in close too! I was so proud of myself, last night I went out to dinner and I didn't even get a soda! I succeeded!!

Anyhow, I knew if I made it one week, I would then succeed, because the first week is always the hardest, but I actually never had a desire for a soda either this week and I love it!

So, if anyone is looking to give something up....you can do it!!! Just never think about it and don't have it around you and it is so much easier!!

The Glass House

2008-08-17T19:18:00.001-07:00

We've all heard the saying about those living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I got to thinking today about how many people really think about this. Sometimes I wonder if people forget their own past indiscretions, actions, behaviors, acts, etc., before they judge, condemn, or act out inconsiderately towards others?

Have you ever been around someone who gives off a bad 'vibe' or a negative feeling, even when you are in the best mood? Sometimes, I think people act 'tough' because they have so many insecurities themselves and their life is not going the way they want.

We are all flawed human beings. No one is perfect. Everyone has a past. Everyone has done things in their life they wish years later they hadn't. People get mad, people judge and hopefully people move on.

Sometimes I wonder if those that don't like "drama" are those that not knowingly create it themself or contribute to it by their own actions? Interesting thought huh?

I don't believe there is ever an acceptable reason to judge someone. I know that I've done it in the past, and as I grow older, I do believe I am getting wiser. It's strange how your outlook on life becomes more clearer and alittle less fogged as you get older.

People around us, both family and friends, make decisions we don't agree with. They, at times, tend to disappoint us. We sometimes act out, get angry, judge them or the friends they associate with and tend to ignore and shun them. Now how is this acceptable?

Earlier I was reading a friends blog on a website who was describing a disagreement she was having with her sisters husband. She treated her brother-in-law rudely and not realizing that it was affecting her own relationship with her sister, those around her and she was beginning to be seen a someone on a "high-horse".

To make a long story short, her disagreement with her sisters husband, finally boiled into a big shouting match with her own sister. For two weeks they didn't talk to each other, there was tension, other family members felt the tension, it was difficult for everyone.

Then she goes on to say...one day she was reading through her journal from before her teenage years. She said she was a "wayward" teen, the rebellious one in her family. She dabbled with things she shouldn't have that she now warns her own kids about. Anyhow, she read how she got a letter from her sister turning her most troubled times. Her sister did not judge her for her actions, did not condemn her for her less then inspiring friends, did not speak down to her nor put her off. Her sister wrote her to tell her how much she loved her and will always love her, no matter what decisions she made in her life, she was still going to be there for her. She said the one sentence that struck her was "Tonya, I want you to know I am not disappointed in you but only concerned for you"......she thought to herself "How could she not be disappointed in me? I haven't done the best things lately"....

So when she had this harsh exchange recently with her sister, she cried. She thought "How can I meddle and judge my sisters husband when I am not waking in his shoes or do I know what struggles and trials they face each day?" She said she realized she based all her anger off what she heard from other family members and this clouded her judgement.

She wrote her sister an email and brought up that letter her sister had wrote her 22 years earlier. She said she finally realized the message she said meant when she said she wasn't disappointed in her:

To quote her blog:

Heavenly Father doesn't give the message that He is disappointed. He loves, and lifts, and comforts, and extends a hand. He draws in the sand and says, "Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee..." John 8:10-11 He says to a woman at the well, "For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly." He knew she was an adulteress and just before this revelation to her, he offered her living water. And a few verses later, reveals himself to her as the Messiah. (John 4) He did not judge, nor did he condemn, and He did not withhold blessings she needed from her.

He is not the kind of Father who tells his children negative messages. He is the type of father that will kneel by you, lift you tenderly, and lead you to your greatness.

That is the God I know. That is the God I love. If only this could be known by all who struggle, if only their heart could feel it, sense it, live and breathe it. The whole nature of difficultly would change, the entire outlook on the struggle, and the comfort that's always there could be truly felt.

22 years later, my sisters message to me was more pertinent then ever before, because now I understood.

Of course, her and her sister and her sisters husband made amends. My friend was humbled and said through the course of her "issues" with her sisters husband, she realized she was far from perfect and she didn't want to live in a "glass house" because glass gets scratched, fogged, dirty and you can't look out clearly through a scratched, fogged, dirty window, just as our judgements should not be clouded nor our disappointments in others be unscathed without first 'perfection" in our own lives.

So, sometimes I am moved and learn so much through others and isn't it strange that we all have almost have the same trials and lessons to learn?

My point is, if you want to be accepted for who you are, first accept others for who they are.

An Old, yet Great, Friend

2008-08-15T22:35:00.000-07:00

So tonight I went to go see ATS perform along with There For Tomorrow...actually enjoyed my little night out....but the best part is...........

...........getting home, logging into your email and seeing a very long email from a good friend!

Let me tell you about her...her name is Kimberly....she's an old friend from like almost 20 years ago. When I lived in Washington DC she was one of the very first friends I made. She was just a newlywed then and her husband played Pro Football for some team (I can't remember..just never cared much for football back then)...anyhow, Kim was just awesome, always encouraging and just someone who lit a room up when ever she walked in. My first time ever to New York City was with her and two other friends!

When I moved from DC back to California, I stayed in touch with her for probably two years by letter and phone. She moved to Philadelphia because her husband, Jeff, was traded to the Eagles.

Somehow, as life happens, we lost touch. As days got busy, our lives took different directions, we somehow drifted apart. I never forgot her and often thought of her through the years.

Anyhow, three months ago, I was having this strong urge to find her..just really wanted to at least see how she was......So off I went on my internet search.... Last I knew was she was living in Philadelphia...so I started there....Kimberly and Jeff Sniffen.....no luck ....so I decided to keep looking for a few days here and there...then one day I came across online a newspaper article that she and Jeff were in. However the article was for South Carolina!!! What!!!...so I read the article and it was about them opening this new seafood restaurant....After trying searching in South Carolina I came to a dead end!...

Then I thought about trying to search under her maiden name...Kimberly Chase....and what do you know!!...Lots came up...but for a Kimberly and Jeff Chase.....I was alittle dumbfounded, because I knew Jeff's last name was Sniffen...anyhow, I found a phone number in Orlando, Florida for them. I was like...."if this is them and they live in Orlando, I'm about to hit a wall"...because all those days I lived in Orlando and dreaded each day, if I had friends living there at the same time it would of made all the difference!

So one night I called the number got a voice mail. Left a message. About two hours later my phone rang...IT WAS KIMBERLY!!!! OMG....talk about luck, it was awesome!! We chatted on the phone for about two hours, laughed, reminisced, caught up. It was just like 20 years ago...she told me Jeff often thought about me as well everytime he was in Southern California.......he is now an actor!! She was more bummed when she heard I lived only 15 minutes from her in Orlando those years....that was the bummer part to find out!!

So we've talked here and there since then. Her husband does alot of acting now and can't believe it...he left football after an injury, they used his money and opened up that restaurant, that didn't go well and she said they got to over $600,000 in debt because of it. They moved from South Carolina to Orlando to start over a new life. Then like a story out of book, Jeff took Kim and their son to Disney World and this guy approached him about being in a movie..he was an agent...so from there Jeff's career turned around and he has done alot of work. He just finished last week a second 15 episodes of Days of Our Lives...you can find more about him and his acting at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0153779/ Oh, before I forget, Kim told me when Jeff started acting the agent suggested a stage name, so he took his wife's maiden name "Chase" and since she never liked her married last name, she was happy to drop "Sniffen"..lol...that is how I ended up finding them. She was amazed I remembered her maiden name. Honestly if I didn't I'd probably never of found her!

So back to tonight....I got this really cool email from her. She really wants to visit with me! She is offering to pay my ticket to Orlando then from there her, her husband, her best gal friend and me go to New York City. She is serious and wants to do this at the end of September or October, because Jeff starts filming some new movie in November in Los Angeles. She is ready to buy my ticket!!

Oh and get this....to rub salt in a wound. I never really told her about why I was living in Orlando until my last email to her on Sunday....she about dropped dead she said...because she saw JETT17 perform at a fundraiser in Orlando with Joey Fatone.....I remembered exactly which show that was!!! I stayed at the Lakehouse that night, because I was over the drama at the time and about to move back to California!! Can you believe how close our lives were at that time, yet they never crossed paths!!

Anyhow, I'm just on cloud nine right now, because of her email. It just feels so good to have friends that know me, accept me and don't always try to understand me--but just love me for who I am. I got to remember that!!

So do I take her and her husband up on their offer to buy me my tickets or what?? I probably won't just yet, because I got to get back in shape...seriously!! But it would be nice and I'm thinking about it strongly!!

Anyhow, if you read this blog, sorry it was long, but I just had to tell my story about Kimberly! (Oh and Kim, if you are reading this, hope I didn't embarrass you :) ...)

Smile and goodnight!!

Spider Life

2008-08-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

So tonight I was staring out my window as it was lightening, taking in the "awe" of nature, then I saw this spider going down my window.

I was about to smash it dead. I guess that instinct to kill it comes from habit.

But for some odd reason I was fascinated at just watching it move.

Then I started thinking what a strange yet almost peaceful life spiders live.

Spiders have no comfort. Spiders are always changing their direction. Spiders just live and deal with what works for them.

Then I realized, as humans, we basically love comfort and hate change. We humans prefer easy and simple, over brutal and functional.

At least I do most of the time.

I wonder what life would be like if we all made the decision to do what worked for us as opposed to what was easy for us.

Somehow, tonight a spider got me thinking.

ME

2008-08-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

So this past week has been pretty hard and burdensome on me. I won't go into details, but I'm struggling alot with forgiveness right now.

What I do know is that in this past week, I've had some great chats with "old" friends who I am finding on facebook (man I love facebook!), and one friend, he really enlightened me to thinking...

So what I've done is thrown away my pretense of perfection and have begun to embrace the flaws and follies of life, well, my life in general. I love me. I love who I am -my personality, my hopes and aspirations, everything that I can be and want to be. I am a good man. Many good things have happened to me in my life, and I believe many more good things will happen to me.

In many ways I am an optimist with jaded edges. I am a man full of conflict -both good and bad have their way with me. I wouldn't change a thing about who I am, and my struggles that have shaped who I am. When I look in the mirror now, I see a man that God has created --talented in his own rights, intelligent and full of love.

Regardless, of my faults, I am always believe I'm a good friend, concerned, helpful, loving, willing to go out of my way for others....I hope this person realizes what they are now going to miss.

Two Kinds Of People

2008-08-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

There are two kinds of people on earth today,
Just two kinds of people no more I say.
Not the good and the bad for tis well understood,
That the good are half bad and the bad are half good.
Not the happy and sad for the swift flying years,
Bring each man his laughter and each man his tears
Not the rich and the poor for to count a man's wealth,
You must first know the state of his conscience and health.
Not the humble and proud for in life's busy span,
Who puts on vain errors is not counted a man.
No! The two kinds of people on earth I mean,
Are the people who lift and the people who lean.
Wherever you go, you will find the world's masses
Are ever divided in just these two classes.
And strangely enough you will find too, I mean
There is only one lifter to twenty who lean.
This one question I ask, are you easing the load
Of overtaxed lifters who toll down the road?
Or are you a leaner who lets others bear
Your portion of worry and labor and care?

__Ella Wheeler Wilcox

BUMMED....SAD.....BUMMED.....

2008-07-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

I just realized an hour ago that my favorite and ONLY hat I own is gone....
I am a big fan of Puma...I own too many Puma shoes, some bags, shirts and a few other Puma items. However this was my only Puma Hat....I am not much of a hat wearer, and lately I've been wearing my Puma hat alot....especially with this hot weather this summer.

Anyhow, was at Liberty Park yesterday for Pioneer Day here in Utah...had my hat on all day..hot and sweaty, went to sit by the entertainment stage and socialize, relax and wait for the fireworks....I recall taking my hat off and setting it in my lap...that was the last time I remember it....hung out for a while after fireworks then grabbed my lawn chair and walked back to the van...was dark then, so beloved hat must of fell out of my lap or chair at some point and did not notice....

Anyhow, I don't covet much...but I am sad my hat is gone.......I went to Puma.com to order another one just like the one I had but the black ones are out of stock...they have other colors now I just have to decide which color....and that will take me awhile until then I'll just mourn my hat and hope that whomever found it enjoys it..it's practically new, hardly worn and well, I miss my hat!!!!

It's Mind Boggling To Me!!!

2008-07-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Those that know me well enough, know that I have a very low tolerance for fast food workers and store clerks who take their job so seriously.

I have in the past, had many encounters or should I say 'run-in's' with store clerks and fast food workers. Almost all the time ending with me getting what I wanted in the first place.

So, it is no surprise that these past two days I have had two episodes with a store clerk and a fast food worker...and it got me irked enough to blog about it.

First Scenerio:

I have found a great appreciate for paper bags at grocery stores. I rarely get the plastic ones anymore. I ask for paperbags. While two months ago, while shopping I decided to take with me to the store the paperbags I had saved, thinking, "why not reuse them, they are perfectly fine". So off I went to Smith's Grocery with my 7 paperbags. When I got to the register, I handed the cashier my paperbags and said "oh you can reuse these". As she finished ringing up my purchases the last thing I saw on the screen was a credit for "Bag Refund $.35" I asked her what that was for and she said "for your paperbags" She explained to me that whenever a customer brings back their paperbags to reuse they get a .5 cent credit per bag. I loved it!! So now I bring back my paper bags all the time...and always got my little credit, plus doing my small part for the environment.

So, yesterday morning I went to Smiths, paperbags in hand. Had a $20.00 bill to pay for my items. My bill came to $20.19, so I was short .19cents. I looked and said to the cashier "oh you didn't give me my bag refund for .25 cents. (5 bags I brought back) She looked at me with this glare and said sarcastically "Bag Refund???" I replied, "Yes, bag refund" She proceeded to tell me she heard of no such refund, I then explained it to her, she said she would ask the manager, then said to me "$20.19"...I said, "First, I want my bag refund credit and you can call a manager now"....This other lady was behind me and she was alittle annoyed I could tell, but she also wasn't aware of what was going on because she got to the register after our conversation had started. The cashier called the store manager, he came, she explained to him in a tone as though I didn't know what I was talking about, about the "bag refund" ...he immediately said "oh yes, it's .5 cent per bag, how many bags did you bring sir?" I said "5" he said great..and showed the cashier how to type it in and he left. Do you know this cashier did not apologize to me or say another further except. "$19.83"...so I, being annoyed, said to her "See you owe me money now and now you learned something new for the day" She looked at me and smiled. Annoyed she was and couldn't admit she was wrong. Oh and the lady behind me, she clued in and said "Why did I not ever know about a bag refund, I will start using paperbags and bringing them back, it's extra gas money!" I smiled and left, alittle annoyed that this cashier acted as though this .25 cents was coming out of her pocket...but also vindicated.

Scenerio 2:

I went to Arctic Circle tonight. Order a number 5 meal, got to the window, paid the cashier and said "can you put in some extra fry sauce and napkins" She looked at me and said nothing. I assumed she heard me. She handed me my bag of food, I looked before driving off and saw only two fry sauces in the bag but lots of napkins. I said "Excuse me, can I get some more fry sauce please" She then told me "It's .10 cent extra per fry sauce, how many do you want?" I said "10 cent?, what? She said yes, their new policy is extra fry sauce is .10 cent each. I said "You don't have this posted and I think that is overcharging, I could go in the joint and get as much fry sauce as I want" (Because inside you pump the fry sauce into those little white cups yourself"...She said "That's our policy" I then handed back to her my bag, and said, here you can have the food back and drink, I want my money back. Do you know she looked at me in utter shock!! She said "Excuse me sir? I said "I am not paying .10 cent for extra fry sauce, so I don't want the food at all, you can just give me a refund" She said "I can't do that" ...I said "get your manager" she said "Sir can you pull up to the white line and I will have my manager go out there" I said "No, I can't" ...why I wouldn't is because once I pull up, then they have the upper hand and can make me wait there as long as they want. This way, I sit at the window, everyone behind has to wait and it gets them to rush in the store. So fast food lady gave me a look and shut the window, I saw her go over to her manager talk to her, they both looked my way and then the manager came to me and said "Sorry sir, you want a refund why?" I said "Because I want extra fry sauce and I am not about to pay for it, when I could walk inside and take as much as I want" I really do believe they rip you off at drive thru!!! She was like "ok, I'll give you the fry the sauce this time, but please know our new policy is extra fry sauce is .10 cents each" She handed me a HAND FULL of fry sauce....6 to be exact and all I originally wanted was 2 more!! I said to her "while next time I'll go inside and get as much as I want." She looked at me, I looked at the cashier with that "See I got my fry sauce plus more" look and drove off....I was irked and couldn't understand why that cashier felt an undying duty to hold on to her fry sauce and collect her .20 extra cents. When in the end they gave up .60 cents to me!! I knew the manager knew it wasn't worth refunding and losing $5.83 cents back to me and having to throw away a burger, fries and coke over .20 cents...she knew it. She just probably didn't expect someone like me to come through and put up a fuss over what I call their OVERCHARGING!!!..( Oh stick a pump at drive thru, like inside, and let us customers pump all the fry sauce we want!!)

So those are my stories and though I might sound cheap, know that I am not. Just that I have a very low tolerance for workers who take their paperbags and fry sauce too seriously. Unless they owned the company I could understand them better, but really come on! Peace and Smile!

Facebook or Myspace??

2008-07-09T18:02:00.001-07:00

I joined Facebook a few months ago, and since them, I have enjoyed it so much. I like it much better than Myspace. My favorite reason is that Facebook is for an older and mature crowd. I have found and I have been found by quite a few old friends, especially from High School..and that's like 20 years ago!! I was excited to start getting requests from names that were blasts from the past!!

Today I logged on and saw that I had a friend request from a great friend..Marcy Morris!! I was so excited because last month I was thinking about her and her husband Kindel....and was regretting losing touch with them in the past 8 years...I have known them for about 15 years and I was actually a groomsman in their wedding!! Kindel's parents were so great to me as well...I have so many great memories of the Morris family!! I have a letter that whenever I am feeling down that I pull out and read...it was a letter Kindel wrote me 13 years ago when I was feeling down, alittle insecure and kinda overwhelmed......he was so sincere, honest, and uplifting in the letter to me that I cried when I read it the first time and even now when I pull out that letter it brings a tear to my eye. That letter at the time pretty much set pace for me on how I try to treat others and do for others. It changed my outlook so much at the time and gave me a new direction.

In addition to Marcy finding me on Facebook, last month another old friend found me and emailed me...it took me by surprise because she was like a sister to me way back when, opened up to her probably so much and well, had a "crush" on her too...but anyhow, we called each other after she emailed me and it was like just yesterday that we talked, couldn't believe it had been over 13 years since we last spoke. The best part of that is that her sister lives here in Utah and is getting married August 1 and was looking for a caterer...so BAM...Brandy called her sister, her sister called me and I booked her reception for our company!

Then there are my old high school friends..Po-Sun...he is a great guy, Cassie and Julie..wow!! It was pretty cool, my friend and I were sharing stories a few weeks ago through email about an old friend named Eric Degn...we literally said in an email to each "wow, wonder how he is these days?".....do you know that LITERALLY about two weeks later I had a friend request from him???? Talk about DEJA VU!!! WOW........so anyone not with a Facebook account...I really suggest you get one....it's much better than Myspace...some positives about Facebook is... it's easy, no need to "fancy" up a page, no bulletins or spam, it has some great features like sharing books, movies, trivia, quizzes to compare with your friends and well, though I will keep my Myspace page, I don't use it too often anymore...so get up on Facebook people!!

I Can't Think Of A Title................

2008-07-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a few days since my last post...oops...had lots I could of blogged about, but then well, yeap..you know...laziness won me over!

Ok, so I have two things I want to blog about right now, one is a annoyance I have and another is a gratitude I have...

Lets start with this:

Self- Check-Outs....

I learned I don't like them! They don't work too well, especially with produce and large bulky items. Whenever I try to use these checkouts, I get stuck behind some moron who can't figure out how to scan things or pay for their stuff.
Then sometimes, I AM the moron!
When that happens, it's embarassing and frustrating. I can't stand that "Please place item in the bagging area", or the "Item removed from bagging area" man...then you get stuck and you have to wait for the cashier working the self check outs to fix it. Sometimes it seems better just to go wait in line for a "live" check out clerk. I think that we should get discounts for using the self check out stands because obviously they aren't paying employees to have all the registers open and speaking of that, when was the last time you saw all registers open at a store? Especially Wal-Mart...oh, don't get me started on Wal-Mart...anyhow....The silly thing is that while the self check out stations seem to be intended to replace humans, they end up using just as many people since they need at least one person to hand-hold people through the process since people are often confused about and can’t figure out how to make those systems work. So I declare from this day forward I won't use self check outs, let a "live" clerk scan my items, punch in the codes for my produce, bag my groceries and take my cash!

Ok...now something I am grateful for:

Ten years ago if you were to tell me that I could watch television on my computer, I'd laugh at you. However, here I am watching all my shows online, for free.

It's funny, I decided last December to cancel my cable service. I was paying way too much and realized I was watching free local channels mostly. Then I found out that I could go online and watch those cable shows I like for free! Though online shows come on the day after they air on normal television, it works out fine, because I was usually using dvr to record those shows anyhow until I had time to watch them. Anyhow, every station has a website and you can click and watch full episodes on demand at your time and leisure!
I also enjoy and recommend two websites: www.redlasso.com and www.hulu.com
On redlasso you have to wait a few weeks for an opening of a free account, but you can catch clips and shows from stations all over the U.S. I love it!
The second site, hula, it's awesome you can watch full episodes of new and classic television and news shows as well as free movies!! That's right they have a library of full lenght movies you can watch....

So I am grateful for free online television and limited commercials!

So out with self check outs and in with online tv!!

Remember to smile!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY J. J.

2008-06-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS JJ'S 3rd Birthday...she's a doll!!! So Cute!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JJ!!!

Reminder.....lol

2008-06-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

So, I came across this letter, it's pretty funny....a long read...but well worth it....It reminded me of Jen and her kids being "bored" so far this summer....lol ..hopefully we all remember....

Dear Under-35 Crowd,

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill BOTH ways yada, yada, yada!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty five, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the darn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no IPods, MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom , your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances mister! The phones had a cord attached to the receiver, not cordless, so you had to literally stand or sit where the phone was to talk...no privacy!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation, Wii, XBox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a$$ and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire.... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in the early 1980's! Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

So next time you wanna complain that life is hard and boring...remember we survived!!

Regards, The over 35 Crowd

Random Perception

2008-06-28T22:43:00.001-07:00

Some days I feel like the bird, other days I feel like the little kid.

JEN ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!!

2008-06-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

So this is how I feel when I try to call Jenny's house!!! Seriously she is by far the hardest person to get ahold of...you need a GPS tracking device on her or an ankle bracelet!!! She must sit and seriously screen her phone calls or just I don't know..but..this is how I am feeling with trying to get ahold of her for the past two days......come on I know others have a hard time trying to get ahold of her...ok..that's all...LOL

Turning Points

2008-06-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Occasionally in life, we encounter a turning point. Sometimes we realize we are facing a turning point , but other times we don’t realize it.
Turning points can be either positive or negative. Taking the first hit of drugs is probably a turning point for a drug addict. Committing a crime could be another obvious example of a negative turning point. Being offended by someone and reacting to that offense that changes the course of your life is another negative turning point.
A positive turning point could be the alcoholic’s first step to recovery. It could be a spiritual awakening for another person, or it can be the realization that changes have to be made in your life to better oneself and move forward.
So, turning points can either be good or bad. Like I mentioned above, sometimes we don’t realize we are facing a turning point, such as someone doing drugs may not feel his first experience with drugs is a turning point in their life at the time or meeting someone for the first time can even be a turning point.
I think everyone’s life has turning points, but sometimes the person doesn’t realize the importance of the choice at the time.
One important point I would like to make is this: No one faces a turning point with the intent on making themselves worse off. When the alcoholic takes his/her first drink, they don’t do it with the intent on becoming an alcoholic! When a smoker takes his/her first puff, they don't have the intention of becoming addicted. No one intentionally seeks negative turning points. Everyone tries to make themselves better off, but obviously we all make mistakes.
How do we know if we are making a good or bad decision at a turning point?
Well, sometimes it’s tough to tell. Laws, morals, religion, values, etc. are put in place to help guide us through the turning points of life. We may not know or accept we made a bad decision until a significant period down the road. It may take the drug addict years to realize the first hit was a turning point, the smoker the first puff as the turning point or the alcoholic the first drink.

I try to apply these thoughts to my personal life. We all make mistakes in life, but I think the key to success in anything is to not make the BIG mistakes. I try to make sure that if I make a mistake, that error won’t lead to something worse and become a negative turning point. I want to avoid negative turning points, and though I don't always succeed, I try to recognize them. I use my values, morals, beliefs, etc. to help me out. This concept can apply to all areas of life: School, career, being single, family, marriage, friendships, money etc.
As I have continued to turn to the Lord during my negative turning points, I believe I have been blessed. I have gained a stronger understanding about how I—along with my trials, temptations, poor decisions, challenges and desires—fit into the Plan of Salvation. Taking a small leap of faith by continuing to practice my religion has allowed me to receive additional guidance and strength in my life.

My life is still full of uncertainty and challenges. But I know God will continue to support me and strengthen me. I will continue to grow and receive more and more of the true peace I desire. I simply offer insights I have learned through the choices I’ve made. Everyone has to make their own choices and accept the turning points in their lives. Just as I hope to make good decisions with guidance that will ultimately lead to good turning points in my life, I also hope everyone that reads this blog will remember and do the same.
I really wish everyone good turning points in your lives!!

WOW..BUSY!!

2008-06-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

Wow..it has been over a week since my last post and that is only because this past week has been busy for me!

The beginning of last week had me cleaning my apartment in anticipation of the arrival of my mother visting me for 4 days and had me preparing for a big weekend of catering!

So, lets just catch up really quick, my mom visited Utah for the first time and she enjoyed her short visit here. She thinks it too quiet here but loves it.

Our catering went well. It was kinda hectic trying to shop, prep, cook and execute 3 parties in one day for over 900 people to feed. However we pulled it off, being that at each party almost half their guests never showed up.....lots and lots and lots of food left!! Kinda stinks, because we shopped and if only I could have an hour glass to see the future and see how many people will show up at each catering job, then we could keep more profit from the food cost!!!!! Oh well...

So I am trying to catch up on lots of things to do this week. My apartment manager duties have kind of fallen to the wayside too lately, but yesterday, as tired as I was, I was able to do a few duties and I feel bad I am in the process of evicting one tenant who has is a month and half late on her rent...so this morning I had to fax the paperwork over to the owners lawyer to begin the process.....that's the part I don't like about this job ...evicting, but hey if I owned the building I'd want my money too, so I totally understand!

Ok...so gots cleaning to do, laundry to do, emails to respond too, phone messages to return, organizing to do and get ready to do a large catering luncheon this Friday in Provo for 530 guests and then again on Saturday for 200 guests......but as busy as it will be...I can't complain..there is definately nothing better than owning your business!!!!

I'll be back to posting normal again...hope all is going good on your end!!!

The Holy Secret

2008-06-07T23:31:00.000-07:00

So when it comes to reading a book, I am not one that reads many novels especially fiction. Never been interested much in fiction books....I like to read self help books, inspirational books, biographies, historical books or anything non-fiction.

With this in mind, I went this afternoon to Deseret Book. I looked around, browsed, perused the book sections and couldn't find anything that "stuck out" to me to read at that moment. So I was just about to leave when I realized that I hadn't looked at the books by the register their "Best Sellers"....and then this book stuck out to me. "The Holy Secret" by James L. Ferrell. I then realize it is fiction. I thought to myself "ugh, nope" and put it down.

Then, I looked at the other books and nothing interested me. I turned to the cash register to pay for my items I was going to purchase, when suddenly I felt the urge to read the synopsis of "The Holy Secret". So I turned back, picked up the book, opened the cover and began reading the insert.

Immediately I was taken aback...the main characters' name in the book is "Michael"...then as I read the outline of the story and the lessons being taught I knew I wanted to read this book.

So I bought it. Went home, laid on my bed and started reading. It's only 215 pages. Not bad.

Let me tell you, I am enjoying this book so much. I really believe that it was written just for me!! I feel everytime I read the name "Michael" it is like reading about myself....

"Michael felt.......", "Michael wept....." "Michael prayed.....", "Michael found...", "Michael answered.....", "Michael asked...."..."Michael....this, Michael that.....!!!!

I am already on page 97 of the book and if my eyes hadn't gotten sore and my stomach craving a piece of cream cheese pie I made earlier in the afternoon, I would of kept reading until I was done!!

All I can say is the author James L. Ferrell wrote this book for me and I found it at a time I an most in need of it! Now I want to buy his other book "The Peacegiver"...

Anyhow, I recommend this book....here a description of the book from Deseret Book.com

Many today carry a secret: We do not love what we have been commanded to love. We do not love what is holy. Although we might reverence things that are deemed holy -- the temple, for example, and the scriptures, and the Sabbath -- we do not love them. Not really. Not with our whole souls.

The Holy Secret is the story of a man who learns how to love what matters. As he does, he learns another secret: Love for holiness transforms life itself. His realization of what he had been missing may lead you to some discoveries of your own!

I hope if you read this book you will discover what I am discovering about life and myself!! If anyone wants to borrow it...let me know!!

Life...as it is...

2008-06-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

Don't you sometimes just wish you can hit the delete button on a keyboard and erase an entire day? That's how I feel right now!

Finally More Reality TV!!!....

2008-06-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am so excited a new season of "THE MOLE" started tonight!!

I was a big fan of the very first season back in early 2001!! Wow that seemed

so long ago! But I remember watching it back in the Garden Street House in Alta Loma, CA.....Anderson Cooper was the first host.

After the first season, they did one or two "Celebrity Moles" and I never watched those...didn't care about celebrities being moles! So I was glad to read they were bringing back the "Original" concept of the first season and going from there!..

I was not disappointed! I can't wait until next Monday night!

During the commerical breaks they kept showing Promo's for a show called "WipeOut" which starts in a few weeks...it's looks fun and funny...and I know I'll get suckered in on that show as well.

Last night I was happy to watch a new version of "Password" the gameshow....this one is "Million Dollar Password"...I love game shows like that!

It's good some reality TV is back. I was beginning to wonder what I would watch, being my Survivor, Big Brother, American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, and Biggest Loser were all over for the season.....Oh yeah, we got "So You Think You Can Dance"...that's fun...

I don't watch much regular television shows.......just reality! Catch "The Mole" you will like it!!

Sick of this.....

2008-06-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

I was awakened at 4:30am by a tenant ringing and ringing my doorbell. He was drunk. He lost his apartment key and wanted me to let him in his apartment.

He did this same thing to me last week as well. Last week, I gave him the only key I had for his apartment and told him to make another copy and return that key to me. He didn't do it. I got busy and forgot to ask him for it back.

So he was out of luck. He said his friend has his other key he lost.

I said "call him"

He said "I don't want to wake him up it's so late"

I thought "so it's okay for you to wake ME UP!!!"

But I just grinned sheepishly.

He asked "Can I sleep on your couch for a few hours?"

I thought, you are drunk, loud and bothersome right now, it's your own fault for losing your keys a second time, not bringing me back my copy, and always getting drunk.

I said "Sorry, no, you should call your friend"

He said "I'll wait until 7am, I will sleep in my car until then"

Then he had the nerve to ask.....

"can you wake me up at 7, in my car so I can call him?"

I said "what?..I don't know if I'll be up at 7, since it's like 4:10am and it will take me awhile to go back to sleep".

He said "Ok" and he stumbled off to his car.

8:37am now...he is still passed out in his car and I am not waking him up..it is his own fault....his choice to get drunk and be irresponsible....he should read the last two paragraphs in my post below this....

"In our choices lies our fate"

Jeez, sometimes this apartment managing job is making me sick!!

Perspective

2008-06-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

I got an email from a friend tonight and it made me reminence about the past and that turned into thinking about my life and what I'm grateful for.

I have a lot of things I'm grateful for. I also have a lot of things that are unappreciated. There are many things that make my life wonderful. There are many things that make my life hell. I can focus on the negative things too easily, I could list two or three dozens things right off the top of my head. I try to focus of good things, but am not always good at it. Its harder to sit down and think of why your life is great, and what specifically makes it great. I realize that no matter how bad life can get, its always wonderful. Despite however loudly I complain about living in Utah, I do like the state, or part of it at least. The mountains surrounding me are very nice. I have had so many opportunities over my lifetime, I've been very lucky growing up, being able to experience and participate in so many things. It is an amazing world we live in. Take out all the people and the world is beautiful (just kidding). Whenever I'm having a bad day, or am conflicted, I can think of the wonder the world is and I get all the peace I need knowing that God made it all.

Now, this one is about friends. Not only past friends, but present friends too, and lets throw future friends in there as well. For some weird reason, one of the ways God blesses me is by sending the most amazing people that walk the face of the planet to run into me. I'm awed and inspired by my friends. I love my friends. I do feel very blessed, and this one blessing in particular I do try to never take for granted. My friends have taught me things no Sunday school teacher could have. They have helped me at times leave my comfort zone and be a better person. I doubt they would ever abandoned me in my darkest hour. The best of times of my life are usually enjoyed with them. They've helped me surround myself with good things and good people. They make me feel needed and loved, when I don't always feel that way about myself. They have been God's hands in my life. Some of you I have known for years and years. I will always remember all of my friends names, and I'll remember their faces and why they were a friend. So to all my friends...thanks for being a friend!

So my family, I don't usually talk much about my family. I guess it's because I never really had that close a relationship with anyone in my family. I do often feel guilty that I don't call or talk to them as often as I should. I do however think about them. I am just very different from my family. I often wondered why I have such a different life path than the rest of my family. I worry about my family, I try to help them when I can, do things for them, be there. I will say one thing about my family is that they let me grow at my own pace, never have lost patience with me and accepted me for all my choices. For that I am reminded of the importance of family. Even my own!

"In our choices lies our fate"

I like this quote. I suppose I really like the idea of accountability, especially lately, something about it really rings true with me, personally. Fate is also a fun idea that I believe in. I like sometimes that there is a fate hanging over our head, controlling our life, and I like even better that we influence fate with our choices.

So to this end I guess what I want to say is: I need to embrace life and all of its adventures more, get out the door and on my feet. Embrace life. Seize the day. Smile.

Thinking, Realizing, Doing.....

2008-05-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

I used to believe that I could accomplish anything that I put my mind and heart to. I used to believe that hard work, dedication and effort would always pay off for me. I may not be the most gifted person, but I believed that if I would work hard and learn alot that I could always succeed. I want to travel over seas. I wanted to save my money up and be able to live in a remote country in a place where few foreign visitors ever travel. I wanted to study a foreign language. I would take on anything that challenged me. I problem-solved and always found a solution. SometimesI had little spare money but I was able to always find a creative way to make my ends meet. I met so many fascinating people in my lifetime. I've gone to some of the coolest events and functions. I always made friends wherever I went. I maintained long friendships. My personal creed years and years ago used to be "find one common interest to relate to in everyone I meet" and that creed worked wonders for me as I would through the years get invites to so many things and call upon acquaintances at different times. I was a leader. I belived that with prayer and faith that I could change anything in my life. I was in complete control. I was devout and read my scriptures endlessly. I fully believed that I had the ability to change everything and anything in my life that I wanted to.

However everything has seemed so past tense lately and I was beginning to feel like life was on the downward hill now as I get older. So I decided to ponder from past and think about today. So I realized that, I have learned that there are many things that I just will have to live with and that I cannot change. I learned to not stress out about life when it comes at me full force. Things happen to people and sometimes there is nothing that can be done about it. I learned that painful experiences are just part of life. I've realized I was not meant to white-knuckle my way through life but rather make peace with life and be positive.

Yesterday I had a bit of an epiphany about how I've changed. I realized that in the process of making peace with my life that I now look at life as destiny as a living, breathing, entity with its own agenda that I cannot control nor manipulate. Essentially, I had been successful at so many things that I set my mind and heart to and had made so many changes in my life. I was beginning to question my life mission and think if I decided to settle for a mediocre life.?

No, I don't think that I've settled for a mediocre life right now. Things have gone really well over the last month or two for me and I have finally felt the return of many of my goals that I had lost. I am feeling more motivated, but not only do I have fear of failure, but also of success. Like I said, I used to believe that I could succeed in anything and I was pretty successful because of that belief. Knowing now that I cannot achieve everything I set out to achieve makes me hesitant at times and well, lazy too. It's easy for me to say, "Oh well, I couldn't help that things went this way or that... It's not my fault that I felt that way..." It's this false belief that "life happens to me" rather than "I'm in control of my life." I suppose then the truth is that there is probably a balance and harmony between the two. I just needed to know how to find that balance.

I understand that I am the master of my own ship and that there is a thin balance between what I can control and cannot. It makes accountability very difficult because I must question how much control I have in any given situation. I guess the question is then, how do I know what is in my power to control and what is not. I don't feel guilty for a lot of things I do because I don't let myself feel guilty. I know that guilt is a terrible motivation to accomplish something, but why work at something that you believe you have no control over. It's a gray area and I really don't even know if I am articulating what I am feeling right now.

To sum it up, I don't know how much of my life I have control over and that which I do have control over I am afraid of failure or afraid of convincing myself into believing I can succeed only to find that I cannot. But I do know that I like challenges and my life is a challenge. I am that same person from 15 to 20 years ago, a little older, slower and bigger, but definately wiser and with the same tenacity. I know that I am no better or more valued than anyone else in God's eye. I am equal with everyone. I believe that and try to live my life accordingly. I know who I am, I like the man that God created. I need to contribute my time and talents to something greater than myself more now than ever in my lifetime.

If you are wondering what the point of my blog is and can't figure it out...don't worry....it makes sense to me and that's whats important. Smile!!!!!

Independent Happiness.....

2008-05-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

So I woke up early this morning, 5:43am to be exact. When I looked at my clock and saw the time, I was initially irkedoff I woke up so early. Then I laid there trying to go back to sleep, but I couldn't I was thinking of everything I could be doing and what I wanted to try to accomplish today. So up I got. Then I looked out the window of my living room and saw the mountains in the early morning sunlight and thought "wow, that's a cool sight" Then I suddenly felt 'happy'.

I've been thinking a whole lot lately about the concept of happiness. (Yeah, if people really knew the things I think and ponder about all the time, it would surprise you) I guess the reason I've been thinking about the concept of happiness is mostly in light of the path that I am pursuing, and in seeing the path others close to me have been undertaking.

Everyone wants to be happy including me. The pursuit of happiness can be found in almost everything we do -our jobs, school, relationships, goals, hobbies, religion, morals, etc. Yet if everything we do in essence is in some way related to our overall happiness why are so many people unhappy?

Shouldn't we be experts on the subject by now? I think there is a misconception about happiness. People all too often view happiness as if it were a physical tangible gift that comes to you on account of the things you do with your life. I do no believe that happiness is a destination or a place. It's not like we make a choice and then suddenly we say, "Okay, I've arrived! I'm happy now!"

Rather, happiness is a progression, a journey, a way of life. I believe that happiness is dependent upon progression or achievement. When I say achievement, I don't mean, winning a medal, getting a job, making a friend, or having a talent discovered and becoming famous. It is the attitude towards earning the achievement that makes the journey to the achievement full of happiness. You still with me?

So often I hear people say, "I will be happy when I get this or that. If I can just change this about myself then I will be happy. When I get to this destination in life, then I will be happy." I believe that this concept fools people into unhappiness. It fools people into unhappiness because it is not the achievement itself that brings happiness, but rather the journey itself can truly be a happy one if we let it. For me, when I make mistakes and do self destructive behaviors it is usually on account of shortsightedness, an unmet need, laziness or just plain stupidity. But through it all, I can still choose to be happy. Wherever or whatever the situation is, I can choose to be happy.

For me, happiness is dependent upon progression. Again, not the progression of achievement, but the progression of who I am, my character, and my calling in life. Achievement is merely like a mile marker in that positive progression. Because of that, no one can tell me what will make me happy, even those that tell me how much happier I'd be once I was married or had kids or did this or that.

If I can choose to love myself independent of some of my actions though; love myself as God loves me, then my weaknesses can be overcome. And when I have overcome my weaknesses or the trials or made the achievements, it is not the arrival of the reward that makes it all worthwhile, but rather the journey for me.

Thats why life is hard. Heaven wouldn't be exciting if it was just a matter of hanging on long enough to make it from birth to death. I know people are going to disagree with me on this but I believe that obedience does not bring full happiness. I'm not dissing on obedience but I'm speaking about happiness. Happiness comes from within. There are many many happy people that aren't "obedient" as you or I would see the definition of obedience. Happiness is independent of any of life's variables. Sin and disobedience are natural parts of mortality and therefore sorrowing over it does little good. Pick up, move on, and be happy.

The well quoted verse, Alma 41:10 states, ...wickedness never was happiness. I completely agree. But too often people reverse the statement and twist the meaning to say: Wickedness is unhappiness. Happiness is independent. Alma was speaking of the resurrection and the restoration being restored to happiness or in other words being restored unto exaltation. If you take it in the context that it is so often portrayed in the church, no, wickedness never was happiness, but neither was righteousness. Happiness is independent of wickedness and righteousness. Just think about it.

I choose to be optimistic and make something of myself. I've been asking myself a lot lately, "Am I happy? Am I really, truly happy?" If happiness is not dependent upon my circumstances then it doesn't matter what my circumstances are. I'm glad to be me because I can be happy. I am not the only one in life who suffers with less than perfect circumstances. I can learn and grow in the life that God gave me and I can be happy. I'm not just saying this to convince myself or out of an obligation to convince others but truly because I believe it and I feel it to be true.

So then, am I happy? I really think I am. It's not like a big roller coaster either where one week I'm happy and the next week I suffer, but over all I've been steady. I feel great about life. I feel good about the direction I'm moving and the changes I'm making. Life is really good. I am happy.

Are you happy?

Judging and Blogging....

2008-05-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

My new blog is going to be a place where I can express my thoughts and opinions about a variety of issues. However, I think there is a topic I consider very important that I should make clear that my blog won't be about: judging others.

I try hard not to judge others, but like anyone else, at times I do. I have a variety of friends and family who make very different life choices than me, and my choices are different from their choices. I value their relationships with me and respect them, and they show the same respect towards me. Wouldn’t life be boring if all of my family and friends were incredibly similar to me? If that were the case, I would miss out on so many great friendships and experiences in this life.

I have not walked in anyone else’s shoes but my own nor do I want to. I do not pretend to know exactly what other people have experienced even though I may be able to relate to some degree. I do not pretend to know how God will judge any of us, and it is not my place to speculate His righteous, perfect judgments. My job is to “work out [my] own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philip. 2:12).

I love hearing/reading experiences of other people. It helps me learn. Wise people learn from other people—both from their successes and mistakes. I enjoy respectful, enlightening discussion about a variety of topics. I like the occassional disagreements at times when it comes to politics...Mika and AlyCat always gives me a run at this!

In short, I just want to be sure everyone knows that my thoughts and opinions are never intended to be judgmental or condescending to anyone. It may come off like it at times, because of my personality, but we all have strong personalities that often times can reflect something different than what is intended. People can disagree respectfully and share their own experiences, and hopefully we all become better people through listening, learning, and understanding. I appreciate honest, thoughtful discussion, and I hope to receive a variety of comments on my blog in the future!

"I am Free"

2008-05-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

“I am free…” I find these three words one of the most chilling phrases in the scriptures:
And Cain went into the field, and Cain talked with Abel, his brother. And it came to pass that while they were in the field, Cain rose up against Abel, his brother, and slew him.

And Cain gloried in that which he had done, saying: I am free; surely the flocks of my brother falleth into my hands. (Moses 5:32-33, emphasis added)

We all know this story. Cain committed the first murder, and after committing the heinous act, he ironically believed he had found new freedom. In the world today, I wonder how often we incorrectly believe we are “free” when making poor choices. A few examples come to mind. I think of a person getting high on illegal drugs thinking he or she is now “free” from pains of the world. I have seen many news stories of people (e.g., Mark Hacking, Scott Peterson, etc.) who kill a spouse to become “free” rather than get divorced. Students cheat to prevent a failing grade. Some people go into credit card debt to “free” themselves of want and often times, unneeded immediate satisfaction.

“I am free.” When I hear someone speak these words—and other phrases are more commonly used —"Free Agency", "My Freedom", etc., I have to examine the context of their statement. I rejoice with a person when they are freed from sickness, disease, the bondage of sin, addiction, needless worry, depression, etc.

However, I feel differently when people “free” themselves of responsibility, moral character, thrift, conscience, truth, values, etc. Sadly, lately, I am seeing this more and more in people I know, people close to me, my own family members, makes me wonder though, how often I could include myself in this group as well. But, as I've pondered this lately, I am trying to be more conscience of my own self.

I just want everyone to remember that : All sin presents a false front of freedom. Thus, I cannot make a decision based on promised freedom—I must use other criteria to make the best decisions in my life and I hope others will too.

It's never too late to start......